journal: january

[liptinted]

january turned out to be a not-so-bad month even if it could be better. i think that's largely due to how i've tried taking up old hobbies and genuinely want to put effort into them for personal ambitious goals. if i didn't have this, january would be an absolutely miserable month for me due to how i've sort of naturally fallen out of fandom interests and/or am not as engaged by it, which is always the case if it's a specific interest i come back to... wayv's recent comeback and their ot6 revival makes me pleased to see but i really only now care about a pairing there with 15% 5% chance of interaction since one of them is in china, so. it's not a complaint though! i'm genuinely having fun after i've already spent prior time being begrudgingly attached to this group to be presently angry alongside the fandom now about um, certain things. also i kind of prefer the novelty that comes with rarepairs like this. it's so good for more meaningful fic narratives imo without actually having to keep up too closely with the group, which i don't really want to make the time for.

reading

reading is still non-existent to me but i have been reading vladimir nabokov's novels lately. beautiful and amazing writing whose style i can enjoy with the story itself being like a horror novel lol, but isn't that the whole point of lolita anyway?

nabokov on lolita's cover design:

Who would be capable of creating a romantic, delicately drawn, non-Freudian and non-juvenile, picture for LOLITA (a dissolving remoteness, a soft American landscape, a nostalgic highway—that sort of thing)? There is one subject which I am emphatically opposed to: any kind of representation of a little girl.

disturbing that people dub it as an "erotic" story. what else did people do with this... listen to lana del rey as the backdrop for a certain kind of young, sad, stocking-clad pale girl aesthetic in 2010-2012 tumblr culture that often suggests an image of self-destruction and abuse....good girl/bad girl whimsies.... idk it's funny.

movies

idk what to say about this one, the first movie of 2023 i watched was The Wonder, and the last one was Bad Genius, which was years overdue a watch and i enjoyed it. i did watch Bodies Bodies Bodies to pass the time during my shift and to look at pretty people!! like amandla stenberg and lee pace, who was practically here for no fucking reason in the end and i love that! anyway every movie i was looking forward to watching in the last half of 2022 i lost interest in and that can be said as well for tv. rip yonder and summer strike.

tv

- hell's kitchen 2021 (ongoing)
- the physical: 100 (ongoing)
- single's inferno 2 (done)

^ what can i say... i know i said i wanted to watch less tv this year but i'm not gonna give up reality tv with my sister. one of the things we do together tbh. here are more shows, almost all of them k-dramas that i've been invested enough in:

- my mister (ongoing) - i've been watching this since last year november and while the story is really good, it's been..brutal for my emotions. i haven't been able to watch a single episode past the 4th without legit tearing up so that's why it's taking me so long to finish lol and i just have one episode to go
- the glory (done) - i just checked this out because of the "i'll be your executioner" gifsets on tumblr, and in the end when i let this drama sink in 2 weeks after binging it, i now don't really care about lee dohyun's character. that being said, i liked it and i will be tuning in for part 2 this march.
- the interest of love (ongoing) - i really like this, i just have bad attention span again this month and i don't have the ability anymore to patiently go through 1 full episode in one sitting. the lack of proper development in the main romance/couple makes the pacing seem TOO slow, and isn't giving me anything to want to root for as well, but i like seeing each individual character's development over time. i also love the fact that there was cheating that happened here in the way that it was done. bad mistakes!! we support it.

- love between fairy and devil/cang lan jue (ongoing) - yes shut up it's the esther yu drama that blew up. i didn't expect to enjoy this as much as i am right now. this cdrama has bodyswap, accidental empathy link, and a supposedly terrifying ad all-powerful male lead who suffers minor inconveniences every day like it is just FUN and chill here. it's also quite easy to just let 3 episodes play each day when I have a job at that is menial.

want to watch:
- the warp effect

fic writing

i haven't been writing but i really should get round to writing the windery in fall of 2022 fic that i need for myself. i feel like i've terrorized the already sparse windery tag on ao3 with pretty depressing fic but that's just how it is. i wondered if i should give it a rest but idk why i truly believe that i can make up something that can turn out hopeful despite involving RL events lol so i still want to attempt that fic for myself. i recently finished writing a short beyond evil fic and it felt nice! short as in 1.4k words. i think i should strive to keep all my fic that short now.